Daydreaming on the First Date

I went on a date tonight.  I wasn't really excited going into it, because honestly I rarely get excited for any dates anymore.  The disappointment after is harder to take.  But I was kind of hopeful.  There was just something about this guy, I liked the personality that was coming across in his profile, our emails and our texting.  And you know, I've been doing this dating thing for so long now, that I can't help but think that it's got to finally be time for me to find someone.  So maybe tonight was going to be it!

Except it wasn't.

I met him at a pub downtown.  I feel cruel saying this, but my first impression was that I found him less attractive than how I'd interpreted his photos to be.  But you know, looks aren't everything.  If a guy has a great personality, if we have great chemistry, that makes up leaps and bounds for typical good looks.  So, I sat down and stayed positive and open-minded.

The guy didn't do anything wrong.  I feel terrible considering that my disappointment may imply wrong-doing on his part.  He seemed very nice, personable.

As the date went on though, I knew that it wasn't going to go anywhere.  Not because of something he said or did, but because of my internal monologue.

I found myself not liking some things he said.  But realized that if I were to tell someone the things I didn't like, it would sound nit-picky.  You don't nit-pick at people you're into.

But even worse, I caught myself a few different times daydreaming instead of truly listening to what he was talking about!  (Often it was his cat.)  If my attention is being lost after an hour and a half, what long term hope of interest is there?

And so the date ended on a friendly but non-committal note.  And as soon as I was driving away, I let myself really admit that I just wasn't into him.  Which meant another failed attempt.

Now I'm fighting again to not let this make me disheartened.

But it is disheartening.

Trying already to pick myself back up and keep on searching, I just completed an application form I'd been sent the other day, for a television dating show.  Seriously.  I'm ready to try just about anything if it means I could just stop searching!

Sexi Queen? Ha

I was just clearing out my dating site inboxes and had to share a couple I'd been hanging onto for this blog.

Awhile back, "jrhappy" wrote:

"Ha"

That's it.  Nothing else.  I suspect that this was intended to be "Hi" which I've said here many times is one of my biggest pet peeves about the dating sites - messages that aren't even messages, just greetings.  Oh "jrhappy" . . . if you can't even spell "Hi" you have bigger problems than looking for a date.  An additional funny note about this guy - his headline on his profile says "Looking for sexy and educated".  If he wants an educated woman, he's going to need to work on that spelling.  H.  I.  Hi.

Meanwhile, "daviddavid2011" wrote:

"with a sexi queen like you... i would like to kiss ur hands :) "

Sexi queen?  Wow.  I guess I should be flattered?  As for the second part of the message, I could be relieved that this guy is tame compared to the countless nasty messages I've received.  But it's kind of weird to me.

All the message stories aside, an update on actually dating . . . I went on a date last night.  Pre-date communication seemed promising.  There's lots to like about this guy.  The date was fine.  He's really nice.  Unfortunately, it was yet another "fine" date.  Maybe I'm asking for too much, but I just want to leave a date feeling excited.

Patronizing and Confusing

I want to share some of the stranger messages that have come through my inbox in the last few days.  Both of these messages were exceptionally long.  I feel a bit bad stating that when usually the problem is that it's not even a message being sent, just a greeting.  I would far prefer a long-winded letter than a "hey" or "what's up".  It's not the length of the messages that was the problem, it's that the contents did nothing to attract me.

"innocent_devill" wrote:

"Heya Smartie Pants! 

I'm taking the time to write you because I think you have something special to offer. Just so you know, you are not reading a copy and paste, and I wanted to get that out of the way. Thing is, I'm sure that a smartie pants such as yourself knows if the man speaking to you brings forth sincerity or not. "

The rest of the message was lost on me because I couldn't get past the double "Smartie Pants" reference.  I don't remember the last time I was called a "Smartie Pants" but I have a feeling it was in grade school and that it was never a term of endearment.  Right now it feels patronizing.

I must share though how "innocent_devill" signed off his letter:

"I hope this letter found you well and I love how you rock your hair girl. "

A sign-off that to me seems like something a "gay best friend" would have said to me in the early 90's.

Yesterday "oncamera" wrote me a long letter.  He basically wrote me a life summary for an opening letter rather than having all that information in his profile.  There was nothing wrote with the bulk of the letter he sent, though nothing peaked my interest either.  Until the end:

"This is my first time on here and be honest you are the first that i write message to; Just wanted to say hi and if u have any Q? you feel free to get back to me and i do my best to answer. You might thing why am up this early is because i was doing editing and trying this out for first time even though i don’t believe in online dating. but its always good to try something new. Hope got make it happen for us to meet and you might become my assistant if u interested. Wish u all the best and God bless."

The terrible grammar speaks for itself, no need to comment there.  But please, let's just re-read the "you might become my assistant if u interested."  Does he want to date me or hire me?  It just confuses me.

The fact that these men wrote such long letters that still are epic failures just leaves me feeling badly for them.