Now I'm The Twisted One

In order to show that I don't just make up the craziness that comes my way in the world on online dating, I take screen shots on my phone to share with you, my dear readers.  I usually eventually transfer them to my computer to crop out faces, etc before posting.

Today I'm heading to Orlando for the long weekend to visit a friend.  I crossed the border in Buffalo and for whatever reason was grilled by the border agent like I've never been before.  What's the name of the friend I'm visiting, how long have we known each other, when did I quit working cruiseships, what do I do now, is this my car, can I see the registration, have you booked your return flight....Can I see proof of your return flight?

For the first time ever in all my travels, I didn't print my flight info, just saving it on my phone.  I said I had it on my phone, pulled up the screen shots and handed her my phone.  I said just scroll right to see the second page.  She looked at my phone, asked me a bunch more questions, then finally let me go.

As I glanced at my phone while pulling away, I see that she scrolled past my flight info and the next photo (of hundreds of other shots of either kids dancing or my cat) is of course a Tinder screen shot.

Of course I now look like the freak!

So now that I've been allowed into the USA, assumed kinks and all, I must share with you the latest Tinder "find".

Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Make Me A Match . . .

Somewhat recently I actually (for a change) found myself in a (short-lived) relationship.  It was going exceptionally well until it abruptly ended.  In the weeks that followed, as I mulled over the prospects of going back to online dating and tinder, I found myself searching for another way. There has to be another way!

And I decided to try hiring a professional matchmaker.

I checked out her website.  I looked up reviews.  I watched television interviews with her.  I decided to go for it and booked a meeting.

The day of the meeting, I arrived ten minutes early.  I waited twenty minutes past our set meeting time.  And then I realized . . .

I'd been stood up by a professional matchmaker!

Could this be the all-time dating low?

Tinder Peacocks

I've written before about Peacocking - the compulsive need that men have to take off their shirts and pose in front of the mirror and then take a photo for their online dating profile.  There seem to be endless amounts of Peacocks eager to show off for the ladies who may view them online.  I even believed once that I'd found the King of the Peacocks.  But since I began The Tinder Experiment, it seems that men have taken an even greater liking to prancing and Tinder seems to encourage them to be ever more brazen.

And so my dear readers, I have some Tinder Peacocks to introduce you to.  I found these photos (and therefore users - and I suppose potential suitors??) to be shocking.  Please consider that your warning.

And note that where a face was given, they have been altered to protect the shameless.

In case you're looking for a nipple?

You're trying to see what the hoopla under your towel is all about?

This is unlike any interview I've ever been through.

Archie, you're supposed to put your best face forward.

These (oddly wrinkled?) abs are married.

These proportions concern and confuse me.

I'll let John's sales pitch speak for itself.

Andy, whoever told you that this what women want to see LIED.

I am fun, sexy and open minded Tim, but not about this.

(Note that at least Tim did his own photoshop job to save some mystery.)

Such Heavenly radiant rays of light . . . No I'm not interested.

And then there's this guy.

Know Any Good Tall Guys For Me?

I always feel like nothing else could possibly surprise me with online dating.  Then I get a message like this . . .

Heyy how are u?? Did u have any luck on [this site] yet ?? I actually just signed up lol ..really nice hair by the way :) u must be a stylist ...hmm I really hope this doesn't sound too weird and random :S I always wanted to find out if I am bi ..but I am surrounded by homophobes :( specially my family and all my guy friends :S anyways ..I was just wondering if u know any good tall guys for me ?? :S I am sooo sorry if it sounds too random ..I am just asking you kuz u look like ur open minded and don't judge ..not like everyone around ..thanxx alottt

I am an open minded person, but I'm on a dating site to find a man for myself, not for other men!

Not what I'm looking for.