A Serious Rack

Yesterday I started messaging with "wanttoclick".  This guy seemed to have promise.  He's good looking.  He's educated.  Although it's just a profile, he seems to have a fun personality.  (It's amazing how many profiles give ZERO indication of personality.)

We sent a few short messages back and forth with some basic get to know you sort of questions.  The last message I sent last night asked him about what he did his masters in and if he has any plans for the long weekend ahead.

Tonight I received this response:

"I need a serious rack in my face"

Unbelievable.  I guess it shouldn't be unbelievable to me anymore that this is the sort of awful message I get through online dating.  Yet it still baffles me.

As I just explained to my friend I was venting to, it's a tough mental shift to make from "this guy has potential" to "I'm way better than this guy."

I've got to be honest.  I'm pretty pissed off right now.  So I just sent this message:

"I have breasts you probably wouldn't know what to do with.  Writing a disrespectful message, after putting in such minimal effort to get to know me is no way to get anywhere near my chest.

I suggest you change your profile to state what you're really looking for.  Or if you really want that long term relationship, then have enough patience to actually go on a date with someone before talking about racks near your face."

Another guy goes on my "Blocked User" list.

Trying Out A New Site

Friends have suggested to me that perhaps the problem isn't online dating in general, but just the site I've been on.  A couple of friends told me of a site I hadn't heard of before.  I decided to give it a try.

Sadly, so far it hasn't been much better.  I definitely get far fewer irritatingly bad messages.  (I have however on the original site discovered I could change my settings to make users have to message me at least 50 characters - this has helped eliminate the "hey" "how's it goin" "what's up" messages.)  That aside, there have been some things I've found questionable.

Like most of the dating sites, I get sent daily matches.  This new site claims to have some sort of staff robot putting in all sorts of effort into finding me exciting matches.  This is supposed to be based off of two things: questionnaire responses to various personality questions and stated desires.  I've stated that I'm looking for a man, living in Toronto, who is 30-37 years old and straight.  Yet in my first two weeks on the site, I've been suggested a match with two men who are bisexual and one who is gay.  I think me being a woman looking for a straight man is a pretty basic factor.

The site is also supposed to help you limit who you get responses from (within a certain distance, age, etc.)  Yet earlier this week I received a message from "Mexes18" that said:

"Hey there, can I be your Italian lover? ;) lol"

Mexis18 is 22.   It has been a long time since I was 22 . . . Alhough he's straight, so at least we're a match in that sense.

Most bizarre though, I think is an email I was sent from the site itself:

Hey J, We just detected that you're now among the most attractive people on [our site]. We learned this from clicks to your profile and reactions to you in [our matchmaking service]. Did you get a new haircut or something? Well, it's working! To celebrate, we've adjusted your [on site] experience: You'll see more attractive people in your match results.

I'm still not sure what my reaction should be.  I guess it's meant to be some sort of compliment.  But when the site seems to be getting such basic criteria wrong, I'm not sure their judgement of my "hotness" matters.

I Snapped.

This summer I was working out of town for a couple of weeks.  On a few different evenings, I entertained/tortured my friends and co-workers with messages and profiles from frustrating users.

One evening, I checked my online dating account.  I'd received a message from "Mrhockey10".  His photos were good, he seemed like an attractive guy.  His profile was promising - we seemed to have shared interests and to be looking for similar things.  Then I read his message:

"wow. i really want to put my nine incher in you" 

What?  Really?  I mean.  REALLY.

After reading that message to my co-workers, I said how a friend earlier in the week had asked me to just once write to one of these jerks all the things we'd like to say.  My friends thought this would be a brilliant idea.  I was tired.  I was frustrated.  I was encouraged by others.

To Mrhockey10, I wrote:

"Hi, I'm tired of douchebags like you. You bother to write a profile that states you're looking for a long term relationship and children. And then you send a derogatory message (by the way, derogatory means showing a disrespectful attitude). I'm not sure if you are an asshole who lied on his profile in an attempt to appear serious or if you are just completely clueless and misguided about how to find a real woman. Either way, ultimately you will become another bad dating story for me to laugh about with my friends. I'd like to wish you luck in your search but it will likely take more than some luck for you to find a classy woman."

I hit send, then deleted and blocked him.  I'm sure he would have had a wonderfully douchey response for me that I don't care to read.

Maybe I'm creating even worse dating karma for myself.  But I just couldn't help it.  I snapped.

The Latest (not so) Greatest Pick-Up Lines

I turn off the chat features option on the dating sites I'm on.  I prefer to have someone actually view my profile and try to engage in correspondence that takes a tiny bit more effort.  Of course, I still get endless messages in my inbox that simply say "Hi", "Hey" or "How's it goin'".  All which drive me nuts.

Some guys are a bit more, I guess, creative.  (I use creative very generously.)  In that they say more than hi.  But they still just send one sentence.  Most of which still make me cringe.  I guess these would classify as pick-up lines.  Except that they're being sent over a dating site rather than said in person at the bar.

The other day, "nubeginin" wrote to ask me,

"Should we do dinner tonight?"

Not sure whether he's clever and kind of joking or if he's serious and moving way too fast.  At least it wasn't a complete turn off.

Yesterday "Icanfly13" told me,

"you`re a delicious looking woman"

So I guess he wants to have me for dinner.

Then there's another user who said to me,

"I'd take you down roads I've never been."

Which truly just sounds scary to me.

Lesson to the men out there: pick-up lines still don't work.

Thanks for the Invitation

I've been away for a few weeks, working out of town.  It's been a good break from the dating scene.  I did still log into my online account to keep my profile active which meant I've still been getting messages.  Unfortunately, none that are promising.

A couple different times, I entertained the staff where I was working by reading aloud some of the terrible messages I'd received.

Like this one, from "Jellrado":

"wanna invite u to my life. My hands are extended fully out to u. What is your name? My name is Marv. Im looking for the same things in a women such as u in a man. U can relax. I aint married. no kids. no crime drama. Life is short so let make the time to get to know each other. Let connect offline with trading numbers?"

Sorry Jellrado.  I just can't take your message seriously.  And the fact that you state you have "no crime drama" concerns me.

But I appreciate the invitation to your life.  I respectfully decline.