Perfect in Digital Form

Joe seemed great in the digital form.  He looked handsome in his photos.  He was educated and had a good job.  He's traveled and is active.  We messaged a number of times and all signs indicated it was worth a face to face.

We met at Starbucks on a Saturday afternoon.  Not really a set-up for a great romantic moment, but certainly good for a first meeting and get to know you time.  He was just as handsome, if not more so, in person.  First great thing.  Unfortunately, things began slowly going downhill from there.

Joe was so awkward!  There was just something strange about him.  He spoke very softly and between that and his accent, I found it difficult to hear him - though he also didn't speak a whole lot.  I did nearly all of the question-asking.  Usually if I got a question back it was just a "You?" turning the same question back on me.  Meanwhile, he kept staring at me really intently.  Now, eye contact is important in general, but hardly ever breaking a look away?  That is just uncomfortable on the receiving end.

For the first half hour, I kept asking the questions and getting the short answers.  It began to almost feel like he was evading telling me things about himself.  I never got the sense he was trying to be mysterious or that he had something to hide.  It seemed more like he thought I was going to judge his answer- not that I was asking anything worth judging.  That or he just could not talk about himself.

A typical exchange:

Me: So, siblings?

Joe:  Yup.

Me:  Brothers?  Sisters?

Joe:  Both.

Me:  How many?

Joe:  A bunch.

Then silence.

You can only ask so many questions getting short answers before you feel like you're interrogating someone.  When he spun the questions back to me, I tried to tell stories, keep things going.  But you don't want to just ramble on and on either.

After about half an hour, the conversation was just not going anywhere.  I tried again to get him talking:

Me:  Tell me something about yourself.  What's something you haven't told me?

Joe:  No.  It doesn't work that way.  You have to ask a question.

Me:  (Pause)  I thought I did?  (smile trying to make light of the strange moment)

Joe:  I am not an open book.  You have to browse the table of contents for what you want to know.  Then ask the question.

Me:  (Longer Pause)  I feel kind of put on the spot here.

Joe:  It's not about being put on the spot.  It's about asking the question.

Somehow that date lasted a full hour before we went our separate ways.  And while during the date I knew I was ready to get out of there, it wasn't until I walked away and I felt enormous relief that I let myself realize just how bad it was.

Shame.  Perfect in digital form.  So painfully strange and awkward in reality.