Just Not Feeling It.

I've been dating a guy for about a month and a half now.  He messaged me first online, we wrote back and forth a bit, then met for a lunch date.  When he walked into the restaurant, I was taken back by how attractive he was.  I thought he was good looking in his photos, but in person, he blew me away!  Over the first couple weeks and first few dates, I really liked him.  So much of his personal history and career gave me a lot of respect for him.

For our third date, I had him over to my place.  I cooked him dinner and we watched a movie on the couch.  I was pretty into this guy and this whole scenario should have been a perfect set up for some making out.  But by the end of that date, he'd still yet to kiss me.

We both work atypical schedules which both made it great because we were understanding of one another's time restrictions, but it also meant that at times we didn't see each other for a week or more.  His family lives out of province and he also goes to stay with them for a few days every couple of weeks which also led to periods of time where we didn't see each other.  During one of those times he was away, we ended up in a very long and quite heavy conversation via text.  (As a side note - I really dislike texting.  I spent many years living abroad and didn't have a phone during that time.  So the whole texting thing doesn't really work for me, but I generally go along with it.)  During this conversation, we both divulged some fairly heavy stuff.  I think this was a mistake.  A conversation like that in person probably would have created a sense of intimacy.  But through texting, it comes out as hard facts that are difficult to take, especially so early on.  Nothing he told me were immediate deal breakers, but they became little things at the back of my mind that made me question things.

After he returned to the city, we saw quite a bit of each other.  But we were always meeting in restaurants, out in public.  At the end of our 5th (!!!) date was when he finally kissed me.  But other than little pecks at the end of our dates, there wasn't anything to build a physical chemistry.  What had started out for me as a great attraction, was seriously fizzling out.

Over the last couple weeks, it was really clear to me that this guy really likes me.  He seems very taken by me, interested in all of the things I do, shows eagerness to learn more about my interests.  He called me every day, often a couple times and texted me in between that.  But it was too much.  I felt like he didn't have much to say and what he did talk about was the same old thing - mundane details of work or the errands he'd ran that day.  I didn't see sparks of passion for interests in his life.  And so all of his calls and texts began to irritate me.

On a purely intellectual level, I can see how we should be a great fit.  On paper, he is everything I'm looking for.  But I've made myself be honest with myself . . . I'm just not feeling it.  I'm lacking an enthusiasm about this guy that by this point, I should have.

So tonight, I ended it.  I called him and I told him while I think very highly of him and like so many things about him. I'm just not feeling as strongly for him as I believe I should be.  He was incredibly kind about it and said wonderful things about me.  In doing so, he underlined to me all the intellectual reasons I know he is great.  But I know deep down, I am right to end it.

I want nothing less than to find the love of my life.  I want to find a partner to share my life with.  And at this point in my life, there is no point in sticking it out with someone who I don't believe is the one I'm going to build a life with.

And so . . . the search continues . . .