Craving The Ever Elusive Spark

When talking with some friends about this blog, I've learned that my stories make dating seem horrifying and only nightmare-filled. Ultimately it's that the truly disastrous tales and the most interesting ones to tell, so they're the ones I tell most often.

Dating isn't always a complete disaster. In fact, the actual dates I've been going on are fine. The search can feel like a disaster because you've got to sift through all the boring, creepy, sexual or too-strong men and their messages in order to find the decent men to go on dates with.

In the seven months I've been dating, I've been on probably around 15 or so first dates. Not one has been bad. A couple have been great. It's just that none of them have turned into a relationship.

Last night I went on a first date with "Fullstop". I was even nervous beforehand - a good sign right? Fullstop is a 31 year old media lawyer for a major broadcaster in the city. He is well travelled, well educated and well rounded. He volunteers, he plays sports, he's a classically trained pianist. When we chatted beforehand he seemed friendly, personable and easy going.

We met at a restaurant/bar downtown last night for drinks. Conversation was pretty easy. His sarcasm at times was a little awkward but I went with it - nothing bad or write-off worthy. He seemed interested in my experiences and stories. All in all, a fine date.

But I want more than fine. There was just something missing. Some sort if chemistry that I just can't articulate but you can sense.

At one point as I was looking at him, I thought about how he's a pretty handsome guy but yet I didn't feel drawn to him. I'm not looking to jump into bed with anyone, but shouldn't there be an anticipation of one day I'd really like to just rip someone's clothes off? And shouldn't there be a sense that he too could find me irresistible - even though he's gentleman enough that he's putting off that desire?

When I think of any of the relationships I've had - going even back as far as high school - all but one had some sort of instant attraction (and the one that didn't, there was instant camaraderie that soon changed to attraction). Anyone I've had a relationship with, there was an immediate chemistry that included physical attraction but also had banter, humor and intellectual stimulation.

Sometimes the day after a perfectly fine date (like today) I wonder if I'm being too picky. If my years abroad dating in a different atmosphere has lead me to expect too much instantaneous chemistry. But I don't think so because again, all of my relationships have started that way. And when I talk to friends with long term relationships, most of them had a pretty immediate sense of attraction and chemistry with their partners.

So I'm still searching. Not just for a man to go on a date with, but one who combined with me will make sparks fly.